Drinking Etiquette of Malayalee Men

More often than not, on every trip I make to my homeland, Kerala, I make it a point to go to some or the other bar, atleast once. Frankly speaking, I've never bothered to look around at the fellow drinkers at other tables, once I've got the glass and whiskey in front of me. But this time around, my eyes did happen to circumnavigate the entire bar, owing to the late arrival of my glass and whiskey.

At one particular table, I saw a group of autorickshaw drivers monitoring the level of brandy that was being poured into their glasses by the waiter. I was astounded when I saw that every single one of them had their glasses half-full with the liquor. They then filled their glasses to the brim with plain water. They didn't even bother to utter "cheers", before which each one of them had gulped down the contents of the entire glass at one go! I thought it might've been a competition of sorts to find out who's the fastest drinker or something and ignored them.

By then my glass, whiskey and a small plate filled with watery pickle (complementary) had arrived. I ordered for a plate of chilly chicken as I wasn't adept with having pickle as a side dish along with alcohol. As I sat there sipping my first 30ml peg of whiskey as casually and comfortably as possible, I would've seen atleast 4 - 5 malayalee men coming and sitting opposite to me, ordering a 120 ml peg, mixing as little water in it as possible, gulping down the mixture in one go, dipping their index finger into the pickle-plate, slurping the contents on the finger and leaving the place as quickly as they had come.

Be it a bottle of beer or a quarter bottle of rum / brandy, it wouldn't last in front of the malayalee man for more than 5 minutes. He doesn't make a distinction in his etiquette on the basis of the liquor, the brand or the size of the glass! His policy is; "Either the glass is full or it is empty and in case the glass is full, it should be emptied immediately". No man in Kerala has the time and patience to drink in sips. It's as if the iron in the alcohol gets attracted to the astonishingly strong magnet in the mallu man's stomach.

So, even while I was in the bar for an hour, I managed to have only around 120 ml in 4 pegs(sheesh!!!) and brought dishonour to the clan of malayalee men.